If anyone knows me in and out, there is one thing they are sure about, I am not very good at hiding my emotions. And those emotions in me are quite rare. I am this sober, dark, silent villainous character who likes to observe people and their tantrums, sometimes pity them as well. I love being in my room, long drives on my bike, not much of a dance floor person although I am a wonderful dancer, and I crack the lamest of jokes because that lets me be in the sphere of things. Friends, if I had one hand, I could still count them on my fingers. I do not trust people easily and most importantly I am not the guy who will walk up to you and introduce himself. I am Alcatraz Dey and he must be adorned with a straight face to the world.
A writer who likes to kill people in words, a poet who bleeds pain and the aura of inhumane feelings, a person who is devoid of anything materialistic and yet through all this, she found me, she found that small kid hidden inside which was lost the moment I stepped into boarding school, the person who used to smile, she found him, he was isolated the moment he devoured gun powder. She found someone who was not like Alcatraz Dey, someone who just pretended to be one dark obnoxious writer to the world but deep inside was still an adolescent who wanted to live with his smile wide open. I do not know how she unearthed me, how she uprooted the human out of me. Fact is, she did. She killed every doubt I had of being a dark person tenderly and then with her eyes.
People say it is love, the way I look at her and the way she responds to me. Apparently, it is too obvious. Let us not call it love, it is too abused a word. Let it just be an enigma. I do not understand why she had to choose me to resurrect of all the people. I do not comprehend at times the bond we share. It is peculiar and indecipherable. We artists have this ability to acquire and accept pain in the most unnecessary situations, and now she just would not let me be so. I am still an artist but I am a more rapturous one. And she met me at a time when I had given up all hope, I literally had.
Also Read Alzador Chapter 1
So, how does a person like me, engulfed in the noir aspects of life, transform when subjected to care, gentleness and immense affection? Well, truth is all of us deep inside desire for the same. Some of us are not vocal about it. ‘Even a mountain needs a gentle breeze from time to time’ if I may quote. So it is natural to respond in a much more magnanimous manner. We poets, when we love, we flow like the words without any punctuation. We just do not know where to stop.
So, I am not here to tell you I am in love. I am not here to describe my experiences of a relationship. I just want to iterate the fact that all of us need to be and desired to be loved. There is no shame in accepting that. You may be the strongest, the most robust that there is, but trust me having someone to fall back upon is always soothing!
PS: This is a true story! And Alcatraz Dey’s latest release India Shining is exclusively available now on Amazon.in