Imagine a situation (maybe your current situation*wink*) when your boss is becoming overbearing and arrogant with you for no reason. What do you think you would do?
a) Just let the boss vent out and you carry on with your work.
b) Being a good employee you agree to all your boss’s demands.
c) Stand up for yourself against the boss.
d) Go home and cry/ or vent your frustration at your loved ones.
If you chose:
a) You are an imbecile
b) You are a boot-licker
c) You teach him how to treat you
d) You are a pussy
Let’s face it, we all face the pressure of pleasing people, especially if they are our bosses. I for instance, like the song from my favourite Katy Perry , “I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath, scared to rock the boat and make a mess. So I sat quietly, agreed politely” had forgotten I had a choice. Being fast and efficient, I quickly finish the work assigned to me. The astute manager of mine realized my potential and started harassing me with more work started taunting me to get more efficient. I began doubting my capabilities and pushed myself more to impress him. The more I tried, the more he would expect out of me. I realized that this is not going to end.
I finally hit the roof when, once I politely replied ‘I cannot do it’ and he arrogantly yelled saying that if I did not act according to his demands he would throw me out, as I was not indispensable. Here is a sequence of how my feelings progressed since I had started facing this issue.
Irritated– I used to get irritated with his remarks but still brush it aside and be nice and friendly.
Disturbed– When he used to misunderstand my silence as compliance and interfere in my personal matters.
Hurt– As I felt taken advantage of my naiveté and the resentment towards showing up at work began to build. Lashing out at my loved ones became common.
Passive- aggressive– Thoughts about him occupied my time at office. Thrashing, gossiping and strategizing against him became my hobby.
Hostile– Finally I decided ‘enough is enough.’ I took a stand against harassment and said NO. (Followed by a heated argument of course)
When you let people dictate you their choices you are just blindly following them. You cannot expect anyone to hear you without speaking up. I said ‘NO’ to injustice and decided to consult with my HR even though my colleague warned me that I will be terminated. And the result, I have my job and my self-respect intact. My boss now knows his limits and does not bother me anymore.
When you do not stand for your self that means you lack confidence. A dominant can sense this lack of confidence and can take advantage of this fact. Thus a cycle begins where you continue to loose your confidence and people continue to take advantage of that. You need to put an end to it ASAP.