It’s hard to let go off things. Some weird people think it is very easy. I need to find them and ask them whether they have ever seen someone they love just leave them. Honestly they would not have, that is why they are weird. I was not sure if I could let go and with twenty three years flying past me, I was sure than ever that I could not. It was time for me to act upon my mistakes.
From the past twelve years I had been working on a very unique machine. A notion that allows to build our own world, at least in our minds and visit every time frame that we have lived through!! It seemed quite impossible in the beginning, but I realised no one had actually given a proper though about it. Every invention seems a rip-off from some fantasy movie until it is invented. See that was the point I was not discovering, I was inventing. Yes, I was inventing a time machine.
Twenty three years ago on a bright sunny afternoon, I had seen her for the last time turning away. I had always feared it. She just brought my fears to reality. I wanted to run and grab her hand, but I could not. I was too scared. She was so divine. I always believed whatever decision she took would be right. Maybe it was for her good. Maybe I was not compatible for her. Perhaps it was not meant to be. As I smoked my last cigarette for the day and tuned up some of the vacuum tubes on the giant time machine, that very scene replayed in my head once again. She was turning behind like she had in almost all my dreams from the past twenty three years. Never once did I try to stop her. She still gave me the shivers!!! She still was divine. I did not know where she was, what she did. However I did know I wanted to be with her. Unfortunately I could not hold her hand and tell her that. I was a coward.
A few days later, the time had finally arrived to bend time, to create history and to mend some broken hearts. It’s amazing how time heals the hurt and it was even more amazing how it could not heal my heart. That is why I had decided to fuck with time. I closed my eyes, it was now or never. The data had already been fed. The exact location, time and date when she had turned away!!! Although I still did not have the courage, but I had to do it. I had to face my fears. I had to face her. It was time.
“I do not understand you. You have changed a lot. Trust me you are better person than this!!!” I looked at her lips as she spoke. Those tiny little wrinkles across her lower lip had always played with my mind. The tiniest layer of lip gloss, the darkest mascara above her bright and voluptuous eyes and that nose that never seemed to grow on me. It was all back. I knew within a few seconds she would turn away and we would never meet again. I would have to live the twenty three years of life again. That same old boring routine. It was hard to accept her absence. Cigarettes were just a 2 minute deviator from her absence. The amount of smoke I had released in those years would have been enough to cover a huge city in fog for almost a week. I hated it. I hated that she was with someone else. I hated I had to live a life smoking away to death. I had to stop her. Just as she was about to turn away I held her hand and took a deep long gasp of air.
“I know you are mad at me but let me be very frank. Trust me when I say that I have waited a long time to tell you this. A really long time. Forgive me for I have been acting weirdly, I did not until now how valuable you are to me. I have realised that without you by my side, I would be just a normal man with no meaning to his life. I love you and I am ready to change myself if it means you will be with me. Please do not ever leave me.”
Her eyes were moist, her wrinkles on the lips stretched, those tiny almost invisible wrinkles were the most precious thing in the world. Of course, so was her smile. A few hours later I travelled back in time.
Everything was perfect once again. She was back. We had not separated. I came out of the time machine with a huge smile on my face. It was the day I had been waiting for a long time. To see her in my home as my wife. The door of my lab was closed. I slowly opened it and saw her lying on the floor. She screamed loudly at me “What have you done? It was not meant to be” and she closed her eyes. I saw a man breaking through the door as I sat down staring at her. There was blood around and a huge knife embedded on her abdomen. I looked up and smiled in a sarcastic way. I knew he was smiling too. I had just tried to fuck my way around with time knowing not that it is nature’s law that time is supposed to fuck us all. Time is what controls our destiny. I wish I could erase this imaginary notion of time, break every single watch and clock in this world and be with her again. Time passed by slowly ironically. It has been seven years since the incident and I look at my wall clock in the lab every day and smile back at it. I am sure it scares the hell out of it for no one has challenged time before the way I am going to do. I am building a time machine wherein I can stay in the time I travel to forever. It’s a bit quirky and difficult but the fact remains that I never give up. I want to be with her at any cost. Who am I? I am a fucking time traveller!!!