How to have great communication? Easy. Be a great listener.
How to be a great listener? Easy. Eliminate the bad kinds of listening. Check out all the of types of listening we employ in our daily lives and choose for your self what you want to do.
1. Ignoring completely:
You: My boyfriend and me had this huge fight today. I think he is gonna break up with me.
Friend (while busy with the phone): Ahan.. Okay. Sounds good. Did you just see Neha’s new Instagram picture. Looks like she is getting all her expenses covered by her new guy. So envious!
Has this ever happened to you?
I’m sure more often than you can possibly count. And that’s totally annoying isn’t it. We all are just waiting just to be heard and paying attention to them is the best gift you can possibly give your friends… and especially your family.
2. Listening but thinking about yourself:
Friend: My boyfriend and me had this huge fight today. I think he is gonna break up with me.
You: What’s with men these days? My boyfriend too created an issue out of nothing yesterday. The fight almost got out of control. He was yelling, I was yelling. But then we made up and things look fine now. I hope he doesn’t go back to the same topic again today. Oh god!
We are all wired to think that the world revolves around us. Actually this feeling has its roots into our childhood. Our parents have always made us feel that we are the most important in the world. And it’s obvious we still feel the same. So when someone is narrating an incident, involuntarily, our thoughts wander to our lives. We think of ourselves in the situation, like “what would I do, how would I react.”
Also Read: 8 Simple Ways to Come Out Of Depression
3. Listening and Criticising :
Friend: My boyfriend and me had this huge fight today. I think he is gonna break up with me.
You: I told you not to be too clingy. You scared him away now. You never listen to me.
This is commonly seen in men. Before they can even listen completely, they have this sudden rush to be seasoned critiques and subject matter experts, blaming for everything. “You should have done this… this was completely wrong… Can’t believe you are so naive to have said that… blah blah blah!”
Don’t be like that. Last thing a person sharing something wants is to feel guilty and responsible. It’s not going to make them feel better.. and so talking to you is not going to help them in anyway.
4. Judging and providing unsolicited advice
Friend: My boyfriend and me had this huge fight today. I think he is gonna break up with me.
You: Are you a sitting duck? Why would you wait for him to break up with you. You need to break up with him yourself. Maintain your self respect. I don’t think he deserves you anyway. What has he ever done for you. I always see you putting in all the effort….
Stop it. It’s easy to advise. If we followed our own advise we’d be happier. Unsolicited advice is free and the last thing anyone wants to hear.
What you can do instead:
5. Listening and Understanding
Friend: My boyfriend and me had this huge fight today. I think he is gonna break up with me.
You: What happened? Do you think you can resolve this fight?
Understanding someone’s point of view or a problem can provide immense satisfaction to them. We all strive to be understood more than just being heard. A person who can listen, pay attention and understand is infectious. a person who understands is always the most sought after friend and confidant.
Also Read: Faded
6. Listening, understanding and wanting to be there
Friend: My boyfriend and me had this huge fight today. I think he is gonna break up with me.
You: Don’t think about extremes already. Fights are common in a relationship. Let’s go out for a coffee and talk about it. You will feel better.
How do you think your friend will react when she hears these words of encouragement from you? Whether she comes out for the coffee or not is secondary. This was what she had wanted when she shared her story with you. She wanted someone to listen, to understand, not judge her or provide unsolicited advice and to just be there for her. If you are able to do this to people around you, trust me you are going to not just be the most sought after person, but extremely addictive.
Devleena Nath
Team Infornicle
Anish K
Walking Dead
