Yeah, you guys know, I fell for someone and have been writing about her. My mind feels a bit heavy now, sleepless for 144 hours and counting. Now, I know how Nirvana feels! This happens to everyone, they catch an infatuation, they develop feelings for someone, creative people like me make them their muses and hysterically, everyone would have gone through the same stage. Then, why is mine so special? People like me go through that stage just once or twice in their life. For others, it keeps on going on in a loop.
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I was reading their theory of infatuation the other day, that reveals the mind is mapping a picture unknowingly to us. A picture of someone we think are just perfect for us. And when, you come across that picture in the shape of a real person, the mind goes berserk. How does the mind map that picture? I don’t know. But I do know, that I am going berserk right now and Marinara definitely is the picture my mind had been mapping. And now that Marinara is beyond my reach, my mind has started playing games with me. I am disillusioned between illusions and confusions.
She has stopped smiling back these days, I think she knows that it’s her. I don’t know how she will react. She seems a calm person, but you never know how people react to situations. She might just come and slap me or choose to erase all this as if it never happened. On one hand, if she knows she is Marinara, she would have read my previous blogs. So, she knows my intentions are pure. On the other hand, if she has read, she would also know that I am in awe of her with an intensity as fierce as volcanoes. I hope, I do not scare her off.
I wish I could crack her personality open and predict how she would behave to my pugnacity. It would have been much easier. ‘But the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away’. He gave me Marinara and took away my ability to use my senses in front of her.
Sometimes, I wish I could just walk up to her, gaze into her apple like eyes, hold her hand but then I imagine myself in that situation and realize, I couldn’t have spoken a single word. I would have embarrassed myself. And I am scared to death that I would not be even see her after that. I do not want to lose the reason I wake up every morning and march like a soldier expecting to see her sarcastically beautiful face.
Marinara, however, did let me know that she has read the Blog-stories.
‘Tell me, who is Marinara’ she asked
I told ‘it’s you’ silently inside my mind. I hope she heard it, I really do hope she did.
I need to take a stand soon, I cant let this prolong forever. My feelings would only become more incredible for her.
Marinara, if you are reading this, I am coming for you!
To be continued…
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